So am I Black or nah? And other questions as to why I go on dates with questionable men.

Don’t judge me but I went on another date with Mr.5’7 maybe.

I know, I know.

Some of y’all are like, “Girl why?! Dub his ass”, but I’m determined to give romantic relationships a chance instead of cutting men off when they do something I don’t necessarily like.

Anywho, so we hadn’t really talked for a week or two since we last hung out, but we’d send funny memes back and forth with the occasional roast.

He asked me to hang out with him the week before but it was raining and gross outside so I stayed in (check out my last post to read about my relationship with rain).

We ended up planning to hang out the following weekend which was this past weekend, and I suggested that we’d go to the movies (I’m really tryna see the Mummy or It Comes At Night) but he was like “nah, let’s go get something to eat and go to Barnes and Noble.”

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I’m all down for getting a new book but weren’t you the same one telling me that you don’t like reading?

I should’ve been hella excited but instead I just felt like he just asked me to run an errand with him.

Now that I think about it, he hinted that he’s not looking for a relationship while we were on that date so maybe going to the movies is “relationship material” in his mind….

…..OR maybe he just wasn’t tryna pay for expensive ass movie tickets. (I def would’ve paid for mine but oh well).

Anyway, back to the story.

So I decided to be flexible and just go with the flow, and we ended up having some bomb sandwiches and getting really good books at Barnes and Noble (I got 4 books and he got 1..I’m unimpressed).

When we were eating we were talking about some predispositions we had and I told him that I thought he was a homophobe.

He was clearly taken aback by my statement and was like “What makes you think I’m a homophobe”?

To which I replied: “Well you make jokes about gay people all the time, and the way you use gay to mean stupid…”.

Mr.5’7maybe: “Oh. They’re just jokes! My boy is gay and we chill all the time! He has parties and I swear I’m the minority but he’s my boy! I don’t care if he’s gay. Idgaf!”

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Me: (while laughing) “Wow. Your justification really doesn’t help me think very differently”

Ok. Pause.

I definitely shouldn’t have been laughing at his response but I believe it was more of a nervous, “is he serious?” type laughter compared to actual, “oh yeah, you’re definitely not a homophobe, what was I thinking?!” type laugh.

So the conversation steered towards how he accepts everyone blah blah blah, the typical MJ heal the world response, and how he’s only prejudice against one group of people because of “their smell”.

I don’t want this post to turn into a who-the-hell-is-this-guy-bashing-fest but every time I write about an encounter with him I’m like “jeez girl, you really know how to pick ’em”.

Ok, I’m getting sidetracked. Back to the story.

So after he explained his prejudice I explained that I’m only really prejudiced against one group of people; my favorites: THE WHITES.


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White people have left the worst taste in my mouth over the years, and it all started in elementary school.

I was the only fully black girl for a couple of blocks in elementary school till about 4th grade, and of course the little white kids always used to make fun of my lips and nose.

The bullying went right on straight through high school and all the white friends I held near and dear to my heart were slowly being revealed as pretty ignorant people.

For example, the first time I had a major crush on a white boy I told my best friend Mary (name changed just because; I should expose that ass though), and she replied by saying…

“ARE YOU SURE HE’S GONNA LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE?”

Excuse me bitch? Wtf does that mean?

Anyway, they ended up dating, he took her virginity, dubbed her so quick, and she came running to me about how much of a dick he was. Oh well.

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When I got into college my bubble of ignorance was really shattered when I started reading about what white men have been doing behind the scenes that has really impacted communities of color…

HENCE my prejudice towards them. I honestly feel that EVERY white person HAS THE ABILITY to switch up real quick and show you some ugly colors that they didn’t even realize they inherited.


Again, back to the story.

So Mr.5’7maybe starts telling me how he feels that white people are overly sensitive about stuff and weird things they say blah blah blah.

Then he starts to talk about how he’s grateful for growing up in the hood because he has street smarts but is also able to code switch when necessary.

I start talking about how I don’t have street smarts at all because I grew up in the burbs and he’s all like “That sucks”. Then he hits me with the….

“….So you’re one of those girls who’s not really black?”

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STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.

Y’all don’t know how many times people have said this shit to me!!!!

I’M FUCKING BLACK ! BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK, BLACK!! 

I don’t understand why people of color have this idea that blackness is determined by how much you associate with the hood, or the struggle, or the street.

I’m Black because I was born to two Black parents. That’s it.

There is no checklist to refer to when trying to “determine” someone’s “blackness”.

Blackness is rock and country music. Blackness is Rap and R&B.  Blackness is intelligence. Blackness is Ebonics. Blackness is “Business-world talk”. Blackness is the ability to code-switch even if you don’t need to. Blackness is understanding your roots. Blackness is not understanding your roots. Blackness is being a goth. Blackness is loving 90s inspired clothing. Blackness is watching Friends instead of Living Single. Blackness is watching Maury, Real Housewives, and Love & Basketball. Blackness is not knowing any of those shows/movies or not necessarily liking them. Blackness is straight hair. Blackness is kinky, curly hair. Blackness is light skin. Blackness is dark skin……

BLACKNESS IS DEFINED BY EVERY INDIVIDUAL WHO IS BLACK. 

The only way in which I couldn’t be Black was if I was born White, Asian, or Hispanic.

Period.

Don’t try to categorize my expression, understanding, or view of the world by your understanding of what Blackness is FOR YOU.

I was so annoyed and frustrated by his evaluation of my Blackness but yet I didn’t tell him off.

Just by assessing the conversations we’ve had, I could tell he wasn’t ready for the woke me to roast his ass right there mid conversation.

I’m tired of having to put up with one ignorant experience after another.

Just let me be great universe. Jeez.

 

 

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