Periods. Freaking gross but equally amazing. 

I try and create life at least once a month while other ladies, who are rather eager if you ask me, try more than once. 

One would think that we would be rewarded for blessing the world with these God like powers but instead, the eager women and I are punished just the same. 

OUR FUCKING VAGINAS TRY TO MURDER US. 

Well technically our uterus’ do, but that’s neither here nor there. 

The point is, we freaking suffer once a month for trying to please you bastards by creating the next generation. 

Everyone knows it’s happening because the little ones learn about it during elementary school, but maybe as we age aliens suck that part of our memory out. Well, that’s the only logical explanation I have for when people tend to associate my low tolerance for their idiocy with my period.

No I’m not giving you an attitude because of the millions of hormones raging through my body in attempts to start and stop creation, I’m giving you an attitude because you’re stupid. 

….and you just happen to be stupid around the same time every month. Jeez.

I’m also probably giving you an attitude because I have to pretend like my uterus is not starting a chainsaw right below my belly button and try carry to on as if everything is a field of fucking lillies.

I hold the biggest secret for 3-7 days, take care of my private ops without a stain (sometimes), and still cater to the needs of all who need me LIKE A FUCKING GOD. 

So why is it that I have to be embarrassed?

Everyone knows what’s happening to me and why, but they shame me for feeling sick at the workplace, canceling social events, gaining awkward mom jean weight, and being awfully frank with them because I suddenly have no filter. 

Do we not understand how amazing the female body is to be able to do this?! 

….and if we do truly understand it, why are women made to feel like we are some kind of disgusting leper during our menses? 

It’s bullshit if you ask me. 

Let’s not forget how society tries to capitalize on this natural process by taxing female sanitary products. 

I would understand the taxing if they were completely natural with herbs and pain soothing oils but these things have chemicals in them that could cause serious health issues.  

Excuse the fuck out of me for not wanting to bleed freely for 3-7 days ! Why should I pay $15-20 something bucks for protecting you from being queasy? 

THEM SHITS SHOULD BE FREE! I DIDN’T CHOOSE THE FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE LIFE, THE FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE LIFE CHOSE ME. 

In any case, I’m just sick and tired of people bitching when it comes to periods. 

So what I wanna eat everything in sight and sleep for the next week. So what I’m gassy af  and freaking rude to you for a couple of days. GET OVER IT! 

Unless you’re willing to switch places with me, take several fucking seats and hand me my candy. 

Shit. 

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